Under Pressure
by Siren with legs
Summary: Izuku knows that his mom loves him. He has All Might as a mentor. It still doesn't make these thoughts go away TW thoughts of self harm.
1. Chapter 1

Izuko sighed as he ran a hand through his messy green curls. Tonight wasn't a good night. Finals were coming up, and he needed to stronger and smarter. Izuko couldn't shake the feeling that he was missing something. He needed to be sharp, aware, ready for anything. It was hard to constantly be on edge. It wasn't just the League of villains, it was homework, internships, and summer camp. He had to remember and watch out for every little thing.

He wanted to cut. The old feeling drew to him and made him want to get a knife, or bottle cap just something that would make the pain of not measuring up to All Might's expectations go away for just a little bit. He knew that being a hero was a lot harder than just being accepted into UA. No one knew about his problem with cutting and just how much he had done it; in his other school, no one cared. His mom wanted to believe that he wasn't friendless and a weirdo. She was the easiest person to convince that he was fine ironically enough.

Izuko had to do something else just doing math wasn't enough to quell the itch, the need, to feel something besides the burn of impending failure and disappointment. Izuko got up from his desk and paced before deciding that he would go for a walk. A twenty-minute walk would be enough to clear his mind he hoped. He waved to his mom and explained that he would be back soon. Izuko felt drawn to the beach for some reason. As soon as he hit the sand he started running. He didn't stop until his lungs were heaving and heart pounding.

He finally collapsed on the sand. He tried so hard to succeed and be a good hero. It was just so easy to fail. One wrong move, too much using his arms, and if he didn't keep up his studies everything he worked for would be gone. His mom would love him no matter what he did, but all of his life she was the mom that had the kid that was quirkless. She sacrificed and worked so hard so he could have nice things that other kids did. He couldn't let her down. All Might knew that he was quirkless and looked past it to give him an irreplaceable gift. He trained with him for months to get him ready he couldn't stop. He wasn't even a real pro hero and he still had all this pressure to do well. He couldn't let anyone down, his mom, All Might, and especially his four-year-old self that never stopped believing.

Izuko sat up and looked at the sunset over the ocean the hot sand felt great. He didn't feel like he needed to cut as badly anymore. "Real Pro Hero's don't cut," Izuko whispered to himself. He got back up and started to run back to his apartment he wasted enough time. At least at UA, his classmates weren't as bad his other school. Fourteen years old and it was already enough stress to make him go back to the knife. He had to get better. Heroes need to be strong enough to deal with the worst the world has the throw at them and keep smiling. It was so hard to keep smiling when the world was crashing around him.

Stress was something that he could learn how to cope with instead of always going to self-inflicted pain. It was worse when his whole quirk hurt him because in some broken part of his mind that it felt like he earned that pain. All Might was slowly getting weaker and he was getting stronger. He didn't deserve anything that wonderful. One for All was one of the best things to ever happen to him. Broken limbs meant nothing to him, the pain was was a small toll to pay. He had to get better so that one day he could use his quick without hurting himself. It wasn't fair to those that needed real help when he was slowed down because of his broken bones. He needed to get stronger and not get held back by his own limitations.

Izuku knew it wasn't right to feel like he didn't deserve anything. He wanted to ask for help. Izuku stopped himself from telling his mom, telling a teacher, or a school counselor he just couldn't push the thoughts out that they were people out there worse of than him. He suffered and dealt with it himself. It was hard to think that now he could get help at UA. It didn't seem right that now things could be different.

The run back to his apartment was a blur. His mom set a fresh cup of tea beside his books and a note that said, "I know you can do! I love you!"

Izuku started working on his homework again. Finals wouldn't let him rest. He sipped the tea and focused on the equations. He knew that after he was done with math he would need to start on the research paper on hero ethics. The homework kept piling up and it seemed like there just wasn't enough hours in the day to finish it. He no longer wanted to cut, but the run had taken time that he didn't need to waste.

It was late when he finished and could finally go to sleep just to go back to school the next day and get more homework. Stay up late, get the homework done and start it all over again. A few more years and he would be a pro and it would be that much worse. Instead of homework, he would be worrying about how to keep innocents and his teammates safe. Izuku tried to think of better things as he drifted off to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Shouto couldn't help, but notice that Izuku was more withdrawn than usual. The bubbly boy was quieter and wasn't acting like himself. Oh, he still mumbles in class and talked with Class 1A, he still fanboyed over All Might. He was different. It was like a few years ago when Fuyumi had a problem. It was like Midoiya was going through the motions of his life.

Shouto still remembered Endeavour's rage when he saw the scars on Fuyumi's arms. He yelled and yelled, but Fuyumi just took it. She stood there and emotionless and cold. The house had seemed to shake with his flames going everywhere as he explained, "You're a disgrace to this family just like your mother was! You stupid, stupid girl! You are an even bigger disgrace than I could have ever believed to be!" Shouto remembered the barrage of insults to go on and on. He and Natsuo were trained to perfection as neither of them dared interrupt until Endeavor was long gone and Fuyumi was alone in her room.

Natsuo was the one that explained it to him later. Shouto hadn't understood what Yumi had done that apparently was such a disgrace to the Todoroki name. Fuyumi cut herself on purpose. Her arms were a tapestry of pale, thin lines from where she cut herself with a small thin kitchen knife that had gone missing months ago. The scars were almost pretty in a perverse way, Shouto had thought to himself. After Endeavor pulled her out of her room arms bleeding she didn't wear long sleeves anymore the scars were on full display for anyone to see much to the dismay of their father. Fuyumi didn't care if anyone knew anymore. Natsuo told him that it wasn't uncommon for anyone who felt like they were out of control or to feel something other than numb. Shouto resisted asking him if he cut all; of his siblings knew what it felt like to have no control over any part of their life.

It was while Natsuo was explaining what cutting meant that he hugged Shouto and made him promise that if he ever felt like there wasn't another escape besides cutting that he would talk to him or Fuyumi. Shouto remembered nodding as Natsuo sighed in relief, and hugged him again. It had felt odd to have Natsuo talk and hug him that much. They weren't a close family and Natsuo was practically smothering him and Fuyumi.

Natsuo was the one that scheduled the therapy appointments and became her accountability partner. He made sure that she had rewards in place when she hit the week, month, two-month, and six-month clean mark. Natsuo was there for her when Shouto could hear her crying through the walls for there mother. Fuyumi didn't suddenly get better and never feel the need to harm herself again. Shouto and Natsuo just wanted to make sure that she never felt like it was her only option to feel something. Shouto would never forget the night she relapsed and Natsuo had just held her as she cried. Natsuo was the one that cleaned and bandaged her arms and reassured her that it would be okay.

**AN**

**I adore reviews**

Shouto didn't know what to expect when he saw some of the same signs in Midoriya. Since the Sports Festival, he noticed that Midoriya never changed into gym clothes in front of the others, avoided short sleeve shirts, and if the first few weeks of class were anything to go by Bakugou wasn't a friend. He was a bully. Iida was busy with his studies and his brother. Uraraka and Tsui were his friends, but not exclusively and Midoriya was making excuses not to hang out with them anymore.

This was all circumstantial and even if it wasn't Shouto wasn't sure what to do. He wasn't like Natsuo who knew what to say and could talk to anyone and they understand and calm down. Shouto stayed silent but watched as Midoriya risked his life during the summer camp and almost died.

He didn't seem to care about the fact that his arms were even worse than they had been. Midoriya didn't care that he almost died. It was then that Shouto knew that something was wrong. Midoriya didn't care if he survived the summer camp just like Fuyumi had stood still and too the verbal abuse their father threw at her.

Shouto watched Midoriya even closer after they got Bakagou back from the League of Villians. He saw Midoriya fold even closer into himself. He spent more time training than anyone else in the class it was borderline obsessive and Shouto knew from his childhood what could happen from that. The only thing Shouto could think of that made it worse was seeing his childhood hero All Might unmasked as a walking skeleton made him that much worse. Shouto knew that he was shocked that All Might really looked like that. He secretly reveled in the fact that even at All Might's worst he was still better than Endeavour's best.

Shouto wasn't used to having friends and even less accustomed to having to step in and talk to them when they needed help. He started to research why people cut even though he knew the answer. Shouto was surprised to see how many websites were out there all dedicated to those that wanted to stop self-harming and support groups for families. It was after all this research that he texed Fuyumi. Between his schedule and her schedule, they found a date and time to have lunch between the two of them to talk. It didn't seem like anyone was interested in Midoriya's mental health, so he was it for his friend. He owed him that much to say the very least.

The lunch with Fuyumi went well as Shouto explained that one of his classmates might be cutting. Fuyumi listened as they ate and gave advice when asked. Most importantly she confirmed what Shouto feared.

He knew that he had to try his best to help Midoriya even though it scared him to death to talk to him about it. Fuyumi laughed bitterly as she told Shouto, "Take him somewhere private and for the love of God don't yell at him. He knows his faults yelling probably makes him want to cut more."

Shouto nodded knowing what Fuyumi was referencing.


	3. Chapter 3

Izuku wasn't expecting a text from Shouto to be honest he didn't even know he had his cell phone number. He definitely wasn't prepared for Shouto barely two weeks after summer camp to ask if he wanted to get coffee. Izuku didn't have past experiences to use as an example. Izuku hadn't been asked to go out for lunch, or for coffee ever. He counted himself lucky that he had friends to sit with lunch at UA.

Coffee with a friend? How is that supposed to work?

He immediately began to think of all the things it could be, Shouto could need help at home, (it could be a joke, but that didn't seem like Shouto) he could want to know more about his connection with All Might. He really didn't know what else it could be. He reviewed everything the news covered about Endeavor. It didn't make much sense to ask him to go out for coffee like they were old business associates or friends.

Izuku knew he had _friends_ but it still didn't seem that real to him. He constantly felt like they would see who he really was and leave him.

The day finally came and Izuku couldn't help the nervousness. It was a nice cafe that he hadn't been to before it was also in a better part of town that was near UA. He arrived on time and sat down at a booth that Todoroki waved him over to. He tried not to feel even more nervous that Todoroki was already there. He knew that at least it wasn't a joke like he had been afraid of.

"Hi, Midoriya," Todoroki greeted his classmate.

"Hi, Todoroki!" Midoriya returned to greeting, "How's your summer been aside, you know the attack on the summer camp."

"Not bad. How's your summer been?" Todoroki asked politely feeling rather awkward.

"Good. If you don't mind me asking, Todoroki why did you want to meet with me?" Midoriya questioned.

"I wanted to check in with you see how you were after the summer camp you got pretty beat up. It made what happen at the sports festival look like a school yard fight," Todoroki replied.

"Oh, that's good! I mean I didn't know why you wanted to talk. I thought something was going on with Endeavor or that this was a joke. Is this a joke Todoroki?" Midoriya rambled.

"It's not a joke. I was really worried you didn't seem to care if lived or died in the attack at summer camp," Todoroki said almost sternly, "And when we got Bakugou back from the League of Villains you seemed to be sad and tired. Is everything ok with you?"

"But I didn't die! It was fine. I just got caught up in the moment you know that about me by now. I rush into things without thinking about the circumstances," Midoriya reasoned.

"You said you wanted to be the number one pro hero? You have to take care of yourself better. I know how this sounds coming from me, but you don't have to do everything alone. If you need someone to talk to Aizawa and All Might are there for the students. I'm here if you need to talk, I don't know if I'm great at it or not. If I've learned anything it's that people aren't meant to be isolated. You're clearly something special to All Might if somethings bothering you tell him," Todoroki replied.

Midoriya looked at him blankly for a few seconds before responding, "I can't. I can't talk to All Might," he sighed as he blinked away some wetness in his eyes. "If your serious about the whole talking thing, I'll tell you. You can't ever tell anyone, ever, this dies with you," Izuku made him promise.

"I'm good at keeping secrets," Todoroki reminded him.

"You want to know the real truth? I'm everything Bakugou says I am. I'm a quirkless nobody. Most of my life I dreamed of becoming a hero and I was told every time that there was no way that could ever happen. Going to school was something that I dreaded. I couldn't tell my mom because she has so much other things to worry about. I'm the reason my Dad left her, if I wasn't quirkless they wouldn't have been divorced."

Midoriya sighed as Todoroki interjected "You're not a quirkless nobody, Midoriya."

"I was," Midoriya returned, "let's just say life has thrown me a few good surprises too. All Might and Iare connected but aren't related. I met him year ago and for some reason he saw something in me that no one else did. I feel like it's my fault he lost all his power in the fight with All For One. He expects me to be the next symbol of peace and I don't know if I can live up to it. I'm trying my best, but it doesn't seem like it's good enough."

"I understand, at least a little bit. No matter how much you try it's never enough. The path to being pro's isn't easy, at least we aren't alone. All Might is, was one of the best hero's I'm sure he'll understand amd if he doesn't he's not much of a hero." Todoroki replied.

"I know All Might would understand I just don't want him to regret choosing me as his successor. I don't want to disappoint my mother. I don't want to have gone this far only to fail this far into my hero training. I don't know, Todoroki, it just feels like I won't be a good enough hero," Midoriya rambled. "I feel so stupid for telling you this. You have it a lot worse than I do."

"That's not true. It's hard to say who has it worse. It isn't healthy to bottle everything up and tell yourself that you can't feel a certain way because others might have it worse than you. I talked with Aizawa after the Sports Festival and ever since then its helped he understands amd listens to me. I wanted to ask one more personal question, if you don't mind," Todoroki asked.

"I've already told you everything what's one more thing?" Midoriya replied.

"Is there a reason you've been wearing long sleeves?"

Midoriya looked down at his scarred hands, "Yeah, I'm not proud out it I used to cut. I'm clean since I started training to get into UA. I still feel tempted at times. I never told anyone. You're actually the first person to notice anything. I wear long sleeves to no one sees the scars."

"I'm glad your clean it's not easy to do by yourself," Todoroki pointed out.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have talked so much, Todoroki," Izuku apologized.

"I offered. I promise I won't tell anyone your secret is safe with me, but it still wouldn't hurt to let someone else know. You don't have to constantly help others with their problems and push away those that want to help you."

Midoriya failed in keeping tears from falling down his freckled face. "I'll try. Thanks Todoroki." This wasn't at all how he planned to getting coffee would go.

**AN**

**I have an epilogue planned so stay tuned. **


	4. Chapter 4

"Hey, Todoroki can I study with you?" Izuku asked nervously a thick book in his hand that Todoroki recognized as The Science of Quirks.

"Sure, Midoriya," Todoroki replied. Izuku stepped into Todoroki's room and sat against the wall facing him.

They didn't talk as they read there assigned books. The only sound was pages turning and the sounds of their classmates in the halls. Todoroki didn't look up from his math textbook when Izuku started to talk.

"It's easier to resist the urge to cut when someone else is in the room. I guess I got so used to hiding it I know if someone is around I can't you know, do it." Midoriya explained looking up from his science book and then darting his eyes back on punnet squares. "Sorry, you probably didn't want to know that."

"I said if you wanted to talk I'm here and I meant it, Midoriya. If you want someone to study with you, you don't have to ask." Todoroki replied. He knew that it had to be hard even when he'd been clean for months.

"Thanks, Todoroki," Midoriya told him looking up from the science book. "You're a really good friend."

The rest of the time they didn't talk as they studied their different topics.

* * *

"I've gotten better with my quirk. I don't hurt myself anymore, not that when my quirk hurt me it was on purpose," Midoriya quickly added. "I just didn't know how to use it."

Todoroki had a lot of questions that he would never voice so he simply looked up from the book he'd been reading as Midoriya continued.

"The quirk, my quirk hurting me seemed like justice for so long that I don't know what to think now. Maybe it's okay for me to have it and not get hurt? It just doesn't seem right to me." Midoriya sighed.

"Do you think it's right if I got burned, or maybe frostbitten every time I used one of my quirks?"

"That's different. You were born with them no one asked you for it or gave it to you. You're not selfish. You don't even want the fire do you?" Midoriya countered their studies forgotten for the time.

Todoroki regretted not knowing what to say in situations. He tried, but it's not like he was a psychologist. "No one deserves to get hurt by their own quirk. Not you, not me, not even villains. You can't say that you're the only one who deserves to hurt. Midoriya, I'm glad you learned to control your power."

"It just sometimes feels like I don't deserve the gift I've been given. How do I stop feeling this way?" Midoriya questioned.

"I don't know," Todoroki replied honestly, "you just have to keep doing your best."

"I know, Todoroki." Midoriya sighed.

* * *

"You know if you ever need anyone to talk to I'm here. It doesn't always have to be needing to vent or talk. You can do it too," Midoriya said one day while they were studying.

Todoroki rather liked the habit Midoriya had of coming to study with him each day, sometimes with Uraraka. It was mostly just the two of them studying quietly. On occasion, Midoriya would confess about wanting to cut, but those were getting farther apart. Todoroki had done what he set out to do, Midoriya had gotten better. He was back to acting more like himself. His mom and All Might were told about the cutting so he didn't just have Todoroki's support.

Shouto hadn't done it for a selfish reason. It hadn't been anything but the desire to help someone like his sister. He hadn't expected anything in return, yet here Midoriya was offering to help him like he always had.

"Ok, thanks, Midoriya." Todoroki replied.

* * *

"Midoriya, it's ok. It's ok" Todoroki said soothingly.

The knife was bloody laying on the sink. Midoriya had been late in coming over to study, when he didn't answer any texts, Todoroki knew something was wrong. It had been a quick run to Midoriya's room. He saw Midoriya on the bathroom knife in hand cuts opened and bleeding. Todoroki sucked in a breath before he wrenched away the knife and took a towel and quickly wrapped it around his arm. Red seeping though the white towel already.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Todoroki. I shouldn't have done it," Midoriya whimpered, not at the blood or the cuts, but out of the shame of being caught. "I really am sorry. I was doing so good. I messed up again."

"It's just a setback. This doesn't discount the months that you were clean. You've done it once you can do it again. Let's get you cleaned up and then we can talk," This was something that Todoroki didn't want to do. He wasn't sure how the talk was supposed to go.

In the end, it was rather anticlimactic, Midoriya's arms were bandaged when they sat on his futon and talked. After the plethora of apologies and promises to do better, he finally admitted what set him back. "I realized that I have friends and it just fit me that I have more people that I'm disappointing. Mom and All Might seemed like a lot and then I let down Iida way before Hosu. It's just going to worse and I'm going to disappoint them."

"I'm going to disappoint a lot of people. Mother and Endeavor know this. I know this. No one is perfect, no one expects you to be perfect. I still want to be friends with you that's not going to change. You have friends they know you're not perfect and accept you. You don't expect anyone to be perfect, do you? It's okay to feel like that just let me or someone else know next time so you don't ruin your perfect record," Todoroki told him.

"I'll try," Midoriya replied.

"That's all I can ask."

**AN**

** This is the final chapter in _Under Pressure_. Thank you to all of you lovely people who read it. Yes, I took the title from the Queen song. **


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